Steel Chef
by Stephanie18
Summary: Ya know Iron Chef? Well this is nothing like that. Well, it is, but the food is bad... Max cooks and Logan, Zack, Kendra, and guest starring via satellite from Canada is original Cindy!


Steel Chef  
  
  
Since Cindy is in Canada (Max still wants her bike back by the way Cindy) she's appearing via satellite. Don't ask me how the food gets to her fast enough though. I don't know. And don't worry, a team of medics is standing by in case Max poisons someone.  
  
Read First:  
Womannapped  
Original Logan  
The Noise Of Musac  
*N Max's Addiction  
Orno Movie  
  
Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and Mr. Egg Man own Dark Angel. I own a few CDs and a hat.  
  
  
  
  
[The "Steel Chef" set. It's a cooking show, doy.]  
  
MAX:  
Wow... just think, I'm going to be the Steel Chef.  
  
[Logan is handing out Pepto Bismal and Tums.]  
  
LOGAN:  
That's great Max. [whispers to others] You're going to need those when you're done with her slop.  
  
[The others just nod and shove it all in their pockets for later. Max walks aimlessly over to the cooking area.]  
  
ZACK:  
Is she really that bad in the kitchen?  
  
[Max accidentally sets a dish towel on fire.]  
  
MAX:  
Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I didn't do it!  
  
ZACK:  
Nevermind.  
  
[The odd man in the weird clothes walks over to the judges.]  
  
ODD MAN:  
Hello! Welcome to Steel Chef!  
  
KENDRA:  
Why is his mouth like five seconds off from his speech?  
  
LOGAN:  
Bad dubbing.  
  
ODD MAN:  
I am Kennichowalkatoobeemi-san.  
  
EVERYONE:  
Hello.  
  
[Max suddenly runs past them with her eyebrows on fire.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Do you have a nickname?  
  
KENNICHOWALKATOOBEEMI-SAN:  
People call me Bob.  
  
[The judges sigh in relief. Max runs by with a fire hose.]  
  
MAX:  
It's okay! It's just a small fire!  
  
BOB:  
Okay judges!  
  
KENDRA:  
There's that mouth being five seconds off thing again...  
  
BOB:  
Max will be preparing a five course meal and -   
  
LOGAN:  
Are you mad?? A five course meal might kill us!  
  
[Max goes running past with the fire extinguisher, but stops to talk to Logan.]  
  
MAX:  
Water on electric fires is bad right?  
  
LOGAN:  
Yes...  
  
MAX:  
Thanks!  
  
[Max rushes off back into the cooking area.]  
  
BOB:  
Three course meal is the best I can do.  
  
LOGAN:  
Throw in some Pepcid AC and you've got a deal.  
  
BOB:  
Fine, fine.  
  
[Bob gives Logan some Pepcid AC then walks away.]  
  
KENDRA:  
I'm too young to die from Max's cooking.  
  
[Max runs past them, carrying a flaming pie. Zack downs three Tums.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Pace yourself, you're going to need those.  
  
[Flames shoot up from an oven and Max runs over to the oven and tries to put the fire out with a dish towel, but that catches fire.]  
  
KENDRA (to the medics):  
Exactly how experienced are you?  
  
[Bob comes walking over with a smug look.]  
  
BOB:  
It is time for you to sit at the judge's table!  
  
[Logan, Kendra, and Zack follow Bob to the judge's table where a TV has been set up and Original Cindy is on screen, via satellite!]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
What up y'all?  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Did she just say y'all? Original Cindy...saying y'all. If I hadn't written it, I would never have believed it really happened.  
  
MAX (to O.C. from the cooking area):  
I want my bike back you evil lesbian!  
  
LOGAN:  
Cindy, do you have your stuff?  
  
[Original Cindy holds up a pharmacy bag.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
Original Cindy gots lotsa things to settle her stomach.  
  
[Max runs by the judges table screaming, her hair is on fire.]  
  
ZACK:  
Maybe if she doesn't last for the cooking we won't have to eat it.  
  
BOB:  
Fat chance! You have to eat it all!  
  
KENDRA:  
Gotta eat 'em all!  
  
[Everyone stares at her.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
That is so Pre-Pulse.  
  
ZACK:  
Like really!  
  
[Zack hides his Pokémon cards.]  
  
MAX (screaming from cooking area):  
Nooooooooooo!! I burned the toast!  
  
[The sound of a fire extinguisher is heard.]  
  
LOGAN (to Kendra in an eerie voice):  
Hello Clarice.  
  
KENDRA:  
What?  
  
LOGAN:  
Nothing.  
  
[A chef with his chef hat on fire runs past the judge's table with Max running behind him with the fire extinguisher.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
You wanna get with me with no money? No no! I don't want no scrubs...no scrubs. No, I don't want no scrubs! Ooooohhh.  
  
KENDRA:  
Riiiiiight. O-kay.  
  
[Max comes rushing up to the judge's table.]  
  
MAX:  
Fire!  
  
ZACK:  
What else is new?  
  
LOGAN:  
Put it out with the fire blanket.  
  
MAX:  
The fire blanket is kinda on fire.  
  
[Max runs away to find a hose. Not like that you sicko, God!]  
  
KENDRA:  
Hello Clarice.  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
She's gonna kill Heather and steal her life!  
  
KENDRA:  
I wish! Simon was hot hot hot!  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Did anyone see Friends 'til The End? Anyone?  
  
LOGAN:  
Oh no! Bob is coming!  
  
[Bob walks over and puts a big black blob on the table.]  
  
ZACK:  
What the hell is that?  
  
BOB:  
It's part of the first course. Wait for it to cool.  
  
[Max rushes by the judge's table carrying a flaming turkey. Three chefs are following her with very burnt looking "food."]  
  
LOGAN:  
There is insurance right? If she kills us?  
  
BOB:  
Well... no.  
  
[Bob walks away and the chefs all place Max's charcoled "food" on the table. Max stands at the head of the table, waiting. Bob sits down at the table.]  
  
BOB:  
Max, what have you prepared for our first dish?  
  
MAX:  
Well, I tried to make a salad with a garlic dressing.  
  
[Max points to a bowel of green mush that smells like she put about fifty cloves of garlic in it.]  
  
ZACK:  
Do we *have* to eat it?  
  
[Bob pulls out a wooden spoon and points it at Zack.]  
  
BOB:  
Eat!  
  
[Zack grabs the bowl of mush and serves everybody some. Original Cindy magically happens to have some.]  
  
KENDRA:  
May the Blue Lady preserve our organs from any permanent damage.  
  
[They all take a bite. They all sit chewing and Kendra pulls a pair of nailclippers from her dish.]  
  
KENDRA:  
Yeah, I'm done!  
  
EVERYONE ELSE:  
Me too!  
  
[They push their dishes away and Bob turns to Max.]  
  
BOB:  
And your second dish?  
  
[Max points to a black loaf of bread.]  
  
MAX:  
Well, I was trying to match up the garlic dressing so I made garlic bread. I mean, they both have garlic in the name.  
  
BOB:  
Riiiight. Eat!  
  
[Kendra picks up a knife and tries to cut the bread. No luck. Kendra takes out an electric carver knife. No luck. Kendra pulls out a chainsaw and tries to cut it...]  
  
KENDRA:  
It broke the blade!  
  
LOGAN:  
That's too bad... I'm sure it was delicious.  
  
[Zack picks up the bread.]  
  
ZACK:  
Being the wonderful man that I am, I will taste the bread Maxie.  
  
[Zack takes a bite of the bread, but it breaks his tooth.]  
  
ZACK:  
Toothy! Toothy was my favorite you know...  
  
[Zack puts the bread down and Bob turns to max.]  
  
BOB:  
Third dish?  
  
[Max points to a blackened pan of... something.]  
  
MAX:  
Now, I'm not quite sure what that is anymore, but I think it's edible.  
  
ZACK:  
I'm not a player, I just crush a lot!  
  
LOGAN:  
Benzito!  
  
KENDRA:  
Stop rapping and eat the... thing.  
  
[Logan cuts the thing.]  
  
LOGAN:  
It's a pie!  
  
MAX:  
Oh yeah! [Pause] Oh be careful! I think I lost my watch in that.  
  
[Original Cindy pulls a watch out of her mouth.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
Yeah, I would say so.  
  
MAX:  
Give that back.  
  
[Cindy throws the watch and Max catches it somehow despite Cindy being in a TV and all...]  
  
LOGAN:  
This meal was so delicious that I could not possible eat another bite.  
  
KENDRA:  
Ditto.  
  
ZACK:  
I think I can eat another -  
  
[Zack sees something in his pie that looks strangely like a cat furball.]  
  
ZACK:  
Ya know what? I am kinda full...  
  
[Original Cindy "accidentally" drops her pie.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
Oh no! And I was so looking forward to eating that...  
  
BOB:  
Now, if we'll vote -  
  
MAX:  
Wait! There are still two more courses!  
  
LOGAN:  
Oh we really couldn't eat another bite of your wonderful cooking.  
  
MAX:  
Will you guys at least try what I cooked all by myself without any help from the chefs?  
  
[The judges all look at each other. Original Cindy sighs.]  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
Aiight. Bring it on.  
  
[The judges all swallow three Tums.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Okay, we're ready.  
  
[Max puts a pot of boiled water on the table, along with four spoons.]  
  
MAX:  
Dig in!  
  
[The judges take a spoonful of the boiled water.]  
  
ZACK:  
Damn! This is the best boiled water I have ever had!  
  
LOGAN:  
yes, totally!  
  
KENDRA:  
Yeah! just the right amount of... water.  
  
BOB:  
Are we ready to vote now?  
  
[The judges nod and fill out their voting books.]  
  
BOB:  
Voting done!  
  
KENDRA:  
Hold on! [to self] 5 + 5 is ten.... okay, I'm done.  
  
[Bob collects the voting books and counts up the votes. Then he displays them on Original Cindy's via satellite TV, with Cindy staying in the corner.]  
  
LOGAN - 20 on all  
ZACK - 20 on all  
KENDRA - 20 on all  
ORIGINAL CINDY - Lesbian! Ha! You put the word lesbian on TV. 20 on all.  
  
BOB:  
What did you all like best?  
  
LOGAN:  
The boiled water was really good.  
  
[The other judges nod and agree. Bob stands up.]  
  
BOB:  
Well Max, you are... THE STEEL CHEF!  
  
[Two chefs (with burned uniforms) come over and give Max the Steel Chef trophy. It's a big steel carrot with 'Steel Chef' on it.]  
  
MAX:  
Wow! Thanks you guys!  
  
[Max swings the trophy backwards, knocking Bob out.]  
  
MAX:  
Whoops.  
  
ORIGINAL CINDY:  
Original Cindy gots ta blaze. Peace!  
  
[Original Cindy's via satellite TV turns off. The rest of the judges stand and down all of their Pepto Bismal, Tums, and Pepcid AC.]  
  
KENDRA:  
Oh yeah... that's the stuff.  
  
ZACK:  
I have to go to Burger Ki - I mean, I have to go home and reflect on this wonderous meal.  
  
[Kendra and Zack leave.]  
  
MAX:  
It was good right?  
  
[Logan stands for a minute.]  
  
LOGAN:  
I...er...I really liked the...boiled water.  
  
THE END 


End file.
